.... searching for the true meanings of relationships

Friday, July 15, 2011

Personal Profile

Credentials
  • Bachelor of Social Work (Honours) - City University of Hong Kong
  • Master of Social Sciences (Criminology) - The University of Hong Kong
  • Post-graduate Certificate in Sex Therapy - Florida Postgraduate Sex Therapy Training Institute & Hong Kong Association of Sexuality Educators, Researchers & Therapists
  • Certificate in Gambling Counselling
  • Certificate in Train the Trainers in Gambling Counselling
  • Certificate in Mental Health First Aid Course
  • Certificate in the Course for Counsellors for Prepare/Enrich Inventories

Professional Qualifications

  • Registered Social Worker (RSW) - Hong Kong
  • Associate Fellow - Hong Kong Professional Counselling Association
  • Certified Sex Therapist - Hong Kong Association of Sexuality Educators, Researchers and Therapists (HKASERT)
  • Social Worker (Australia)
  • Certified Gambling Counsellor (CGC) - Canadian Council of Professional Certification

How the story began
Years ago, I worked in an integrated family service centre.  Our catchment areas were Mongkok and Yau Ma Tei, places ‘well-known’ of prostitutes, drugs, triad societies, new migrants and people from the lower socioeconomic backgrounds.  From time to time, there were news reports on people’s death after taking fake ‘Viagra’ or other drugs which were claimed to boost up sexual functioning but from illegal sources.  I really felt sorry for them.

One of my work areas was to provide counselling.  Couple relationship was one of the greatest case areas I was assigned to handle.  Sex and love are two crucial elements in couple relationship.  Yet, few professionals were trained in this area.  I had a few cases having sexual problems, including unconsummated marriage (never had had any successful sexual intercourse since marriage), vaginismus and various arguments over sexual issues.  There was no free service in the public medical system.  The organizations offering therapies charged them about HKD$300-400/session.  Sad to say, most of my clients were relying on public assistance with monthly income of about $1,700 per person.  Between sex problems and accommodation-and-food issues, of course they would choose the latter.  Out of passion and empathy, I took a course to learn therapeutic knowledge and intervention skills and started my practice, mostly in my workplace as an additional and free-of-charge therapy to my clients.
It was so blissful and rewarding to notice their positive changes.  They said I helped them.  But I should thank them for trusting my professional role, sharing with me their stories and plight.    Like most of people grown up in a conservative teaching environment and under traditional Chinese family values, I had limited sex education in my school days.  I truly experienced the same ignorance as them.  I knew I might be able to learn something new and then teach them.  Thanks for my class teachers and course fellows who sincerely demonstrated their high level of professionalism during the therapy course and supervised practice period. 

Aside from the heterosexual people, I also get better understanding of the problems and difficult situations of people from LGBT backgrounds (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender).  Stop blaming and prejudicing again them.   Sex orientation is just a preference of them which shouldn’t incur discrimination from us.

In fact, I have learnt much from my clients.  It’s the true meanings of sexuality.  It’s something beyond the skills (Practice makes perfect.  Sexual skills and positions are unique and individualized to couples that I really don’t think they should be taught!).  Sexuality is the appreciation of the way we are, our masculinity and femininity, our body, mind and communication.

Through their stories, I see the importance of sincerity and honesty.  I learn to:
-      forget and forgive
-      respect instead of being impolite
-      be patient instead of arrogant
-      be selfless instead of selfish
-      be considerate instead of self-centred
-      be careful instead of liberal and promiscuous
-      recognize instead of blaming
-      focus not only on sensual side but also emotional side
-      focus not on the external appearance/body but the heart of a person

-      love and be loved
-      have sense of humour and make fun instead of being routinized
-      ask not what your partner can do for you; but what you can do for your partner

To my clients,
I hope you can all enjoy the intimate relationship with your partner with joy, love, peace, respect, loyalty, patience and satisfaction both physically and emotionally.  Couple relationship is like growing a flower.  You have to water it, take care of it and fertilize it throughout life.  Sex is not something only between legs.  Sex does not only include vaginal intercourse, but also all the acts consented between the couple in expressing love.  These include holding hands, sitting or leaning together, hugging, simple body touch, cuddling, caressing, manual and oral stimulations, etc.  Have fun and explore excitements with your partner throughout life to rekindle the relationship from time to time.

To my future Mr Right,
Hopefully, you won’t be scared by my profession. (People keep saying to me that I should not tell my potential Mr Right about my profession…. Hahaha!!)  If you assume that I’m very liberal and promiscuous, I can definitely tell that you are not this Mr Right.  God knows me well and He will definitely arrange a person suitable for me.

There is always no perfect skill/technique in sex anyone in the world can guarantee.  I am not going to take a leading role but for sure I shall be ready to play a good partner role.  I hope you will understand me, having a genuine motivation to help those who are in need, especially those who cannot afford paying the high fees of private therapies.  I hope you will feel proud of me and appreciate the way I am.  After all, I am only a small and ordinary woman.  Like a loyal cat, I need your recognition.
To all,
To be a helping professional, you don't necessarily need to undergo the same experience as your clients.  I used to give counselling to substance abusers (I have never tried any drugs), pathological gamblers (I have not been one), parents for parenting skills (I have never had a child), homosexual persons (I am a heterosexual), in-law relationship problems (I have never married), victims of sexual abuse (I have never been such a victim), menopausal problems (I am still young!) etc.  Likewise, I can never have the same experience as a man in this type of therapy.  So, what make me a qualified person?! 

Aside from the knowledge and counselling experience, the success of those cases I dealt with lied in what my teachers taught me before, i.e., having empathy (putting yourself into other's shoes to try to feel what they feel) and being considerate.

I hope all of you can enjoy your every relationship, be it parent-child, in-law, couple, siblings, workmates, etc.  Being empathetic and considerate are the keys.  With these, I bet you would NEVER need a therapist throughout your life~~!!!!



I know my road is not easy.  But if it is meant to be, I will take it as a blessing.





    Sunday, June 19, 2011

    輔導的風度

    輔導的路已走了好一段時間,感觸良多.

    記得剛畢業的時候,覺得好像學有所成,但滿載了’足夠’的知識去面對client的人生問題.

    踏足輔導室的頭一兩年,日子可比想像中難捱,壓力來自client不時對你的明示與暗示'挑戰'與試探,到底他們眼前的這個’靚妹’有多少斤両,給他們這些已經驗人生百態,甚至是人生中最難捱日子的人(會在那刻坐在你眼前的典型中國人,大抵都是曾無所不用其極地竭力解決自己問題不果的人)指引明燈.

    失敗,挫折和挑戰,或許就是最好的推動力,叫你去不停學習.

    我不相信這世界有學得完的學問.

    我不相信這世界有完美的介入模式.

    我相信人的問題是會因應不停變遷的社會問題而轉變.

    我相信學習如逆水行舟,不進則退.

    我不理會別人是不是專家,但我永不會以為自己是專家.

    我相信每個人也是自己問題的專家.

    Wednesday, June 15, 2011

    The Road to Today...

    n年前,唸理科的我,在大學聯合招生時選的差不多全是醫療科學的學位課程.後來,亦順利進入大學唸牙科.不過,才不過一個學期,我便發現自己根本不適合唸這對於我來說是悶蛋的科目.於是,毅然轉唸社工.

    畢業後不久,便找到工作,一直沒有轉變.由於機構的獨特性,每3/4年便會有工作崗位的轉變.


    第一個崗位時,是面對一些犯事的年青人,深感自己的不足,於是跑去唸個犯罪學的碩士課程,結果,收穫比我大得多.

    這幾年工作的單位是處理家庭服務的,由於年資不淺,被派處理的個案複雜性當然與年資成正比.當中不少是有關婚姻及兩性關係的問題.


    愈多處理,愈覺性與愛是兩性關係裡非常關鍵的元素;坊間有些機構是提供性治療的,可是,全都是收費服務.對於當時居於我服務所屬區域的受眾而言,莫說是這些費用,就連能維持三餐溫飽也有問題.收入不是僅足餬口,就是入不敷支.性治療頓時成了他們的奢侈服務.

    碰巧當時香港性教育,研究及治療專業協會與美國Florida Sex Therapy Institute 舉辦了性治療專業文憑課程,我便報讀.結果,真的沒有令我失望.

    我不會以什麼專家自居,老實說,輔導專業,是須要一輩子不停學習,與時並進.有幸得到不少受助人的信任(要在別人前談性這一禁忌話題,甚至是要面對自己的問題,絕不容易),事實上,在他們感謝我的同時,我也很感謝他們,因為他們的問題與故事,也造就了我在專業路上的成長.

    我願所認識的人,都享受著與伴侶的美好關係.


    執子之手,與子皆老!

    Blog on healthyd.com 健康網內的部落

    Healthy.D 是一個很值得推薦的大型公開網絡,她旨在推動香港市民一些健康的資訊.

    這是有關我的部落 

    還有一個男女關係討論區

    網上電台訪問 Online interview

    多謝LeeDee Radio 的邀請:




    <人妻私語>節目”談談情,說說性

    Service Details

    Services服務
    • case assessment 
    • 個案診斷
    • in-depth counselling/therapy 
    • 深入輔導/治療
    • referral to appropriate collateral professionals (e.g. western medical practitioners, Chinese medical practitioners, natural therapists, etc) (no separate fee included)
    • 專業轉介 (例如:西醫,中醫,自然療法治療師等)(不須另行收費)
    Mode形式
    • telephone and/or online voice/video consultation 
    • 電話及/或網上話音及/或視像諮詢
    • face-to-face interview (Sydney only) 
    • 面談(只限悉尼)
    Fee收費
    • fee on a half-hourly basis 
    • 收費以每半小時計算
    • fee remissions applied for professional referral and financially difficult cases
    • 經轉介及有經濟困難者,會酌情減免收費
    • separate fee for assessment reports
    • 評估報告另收費用
    Contact聯絡方法

    • email: turybeatrix@gmail.com
    • tel: +852 8122 9466
    • Skype: turybeatrixto (要求連結前請註明)

    Wednesday, June 1, 2011

    Disclaimer and Remarks免責聲明及注意事項

    Disclaimer and Remark:


    The advice given in this column and the related hyperlink is of a general nature only.  For specific advice on the medical conditions, please consult your medical doctor.

    A sex therapist cannot prescribe a drug for a client.  The therapeutic session also does not include seeing, touching and checking of the sex organs of clients.  In addition, sexual contact of all forms between a therapist and a client is strictly forbidden according to the Code of Ethics.

    免責聲明及注意事項


    此網誌及相關超連結內的內容純屬普遍意見,若就身體上的任何問題,須個別意見,敬請諮詢閣下的醫生。

    性治療師不能處方藥物,在治療過程中,亦不會觀察、觸摸及檢查求助人的性器官。此外,根據專業守則,治療師及求助人之間,亦禁止有任何形式的性接觸。